It does… for some time

How does death change your perspective?

When I was in my twenties I almost strangle myself with the bedclothes. All I can remember is been dreaming of a giant octopus strangling me and waking up with the sheet around my neck.

At the moment, I was terrified of how close I had been to death and decided to start living with no regrets: self-published my comics, wrote every day, and went party with friends even if that meant having a fight with my overprotective mother always.

But, as time went by, work absorbed my time. I failed at my attempt to have a small independent comic magazine in Saltillo and, at the same time, got more hours as a teacher. A part-time teacher, since I could only get a few hours in ESL or French but nothing full-time. I surrendered to the obvious fact that I would be a teacher forever, but at least I wanted to be a good one, so started attending teaching courses and even got a Master’s Degree in Education. Yet, I still couldn’t find anything worth the time.

When I looked back, I realized I had forgotten that fear of dying without getting my goals done, and how I used to get energy out to write and draw even after a hard day. at work. And been fighting to find that feeling out again, but I’ve grown into an apathetic person who complains all the time and can’t get anything done for more than three days.

https://ko-fi.com/chocolate_berry/?hidefeed=true&widget=true&embed=true&preview=true

Danger! Snowball writing!

I always bite more than I can chew, so last year started a new book on WebNovel – by the penname Chocolate Berry, end of the ad. My reasons for making the decision were a) getting a writing routine, b) making a name, and c) maybe start earning money. And to do so, I chose the snowball technique, which, come to think, is Hemingway’s «Write drunk, edit sober» advice.

My first mistake was to publish every chapter as soon as I wrote it. I hoped this would help with the routine since I tend to drop things when I can’t see any improvement.

Have to say chapters one and two came out easily. I had this idea from a dream about a camp for werewolves. Main characters were two brothers facing living by themselves, with no family or guidance; or becoming part of different packs. So, I need to give them some strong reasons why they need to stick together. And some supporting roles to develop the mains and the pros and cons they could foresee.

All perfect that first chapter. Lots of ideas came to me. About them, the other shifters that were in the same cabin, the heads of the packs they’d be assigned…

Then, I hit chapter three. The supportive characters lack a background, neither a reason to be there nor what they’d bring to the story. Everything sunk.

There I knew it hadn’t been a good idea to write and publish. The compromise of uploading consistently, if not every week, was nerve-wracking. Add to that, English is not my first language, but, guess which one I’m writing on? So, every two sentences is a review on Google Translator (Gracias, San Google). And after the chapter is done, run it on Grammarly and Hemingway (I’ll talk about these in another article).

Of course, other problems came along. That is, sometimes the secondary characters seemed to weigh more than the main ones, as happened in chapter 3. So, for the latest one, I had to juggle with making them interesting and useful for the story, but not too much.

Have to add here that some of these personages had changed names, from werewolves to coywolves to jackals to coywolves again… Others haven’t had these many changes. Yet.

And then, of course, the regular writer’s worries: «Is it a good chapter?», «How much of this is useful for the main story?», «Does it keep the same quality?» These the questions pop out all-the-time.

Even with these problems, I’ll keep the snowball technique. It allows me to explore possibilities and stories I hadn’t seen before. It also flows better, rather than trying to force the situation to the end.

Of course, every writer has a lot of changes from the original idea to the final one. When I wrote «El Servidor de la Bruja del Mar» I had three characters in mind but found out they had almost no growth. Changing the whole story to a pirate despised for bringing bad luck to people around him was simpler.

These said I know this novel may not be what I first intended. But, it will bring me a lot of learning. Like, not publish anything before I built the schema of the story. And define the characters’ names. And their backgrounds. So I won’t have to go back to the first chapters to change everything over and over again.

Write first, topic come later

I’ve come to think that I haven’t written about my working flow. The Troubles and tribulations of being a writer and artist (and teaching, cause I still have bills to pay).

Not going to say that my input is huge. Of course I’ve read books and sites about how to write. I come to them recurrently and yet, I don’t follow their instructions step by step. Thing is, I find them a bit naive and constricted.

When you check the manuals, the most common instruction is to write the synopsis, or a topic you would like to talk about. Use about 20 words or one line. I find this very useful with essays, since it works like the Scientific method: outline your areas of interest and stick to them.

Creative writing works slightly different. Most of mine, at least, are dreams or scattered ideas and seem to be abstract or undefined. That is, just the opposite of what it should be.

My solution? I write down everything. Some time they’re only fanfiction, some horrible ones without a plot or well developed characters. But it helps me analyze them. I can freely move around, thinking if a certain fanfiction could become an original story, and then plot, subplots and possible themes pop out. Of course, they’re still rough sketches, but they become something I can work with.

One of the stories I’m outlining right now started as a fanfiction from some Rowdy Ruff Boys doujinshi I came across. As I carelessly build the fiction, I noticed that I could inquire about how naturally evil the boys where, and what would happen if they were actually so powerful that not all the heroes together would be able to take them down, putting them against the corner about the possibility of re-educated them or kill them. That become the storyline for Rooted project (I may rename it later): track the events that may turn to an end, another or even a totally different one.

Right now I have outlined some other characters that would trigger the question about if “evil” is learned or natural and what kind of events would be decisive to make a person choose wrong over good. Knowing how lazy I am, it’ll come out in like 20 years, unless I have a crisis for finishing all my projects, in which case I’ll just start publishing things as I came to ideas. Really need to work on my discipline.

Organize it or lost it

Well, there goes again my plan of posting once a week. This time for decluttering my studio. And make it suitable for two different jobs (actually, make it four): arts and teaching. French, not arts. Writing is the same always: everything needed are something to write with and something to write on. Luckly laptops, tablets and smartphones outstand both. For instance,this entry was started on my cellphone and continued on a tablet. Damn! I’ve got better at using the phone Qwerty despite it being smaller!

Two levels lazy susan, ‘cause you can’t have enough.

Yet, the arts supplies have been tricky. And even if I’m not a super organized person, I need everythig to be in the right container in the right place. And as declutered as possible. Up til this day, I’ve found that a regular closet and a modified lazy susan do marvels saving space yet having all at hand.

Or layers of paper, to make it strong…

There is still a lot of material to organize, but right now I feel happy seeing some of my most used items at hand and hide. Hopefully everything will be set, like, by the end of the year? Damn… time to consider throwing some clutter away…Anyone interested in a painting? A papercraft heart?

Finally, scissors and thinner are far from the reach of my child and I can get them in a flash!

This is how it was suppose to be, but things happen… like not having checked the quality of the screw… The glue was amazing, though…

On men and crosses

Moving can make you change your mind. Or choose better. 

Since two years ago, I’ve been thinking about my own culture, all those little habits or things that define one person from a people, but are so common they usually get unnoticed. 

For about a decade, cooking has been recognized as one of the most notorious cultural traits we can find. Sushi, for instance, is presented differently in México than in Japan (I have even found -not tried yet- Carne Asada sushi). And Chinese restaurants offer a mix of soy sauce with jalapeños in it (spicy).

Plátano macho on sushi… It’s the third time I have fruits on it (years before I tried strawberries and mangoes on rolls)

Yet, what I have been looking for is more personal, or traditional in Mexico, yet is not a tradition. That’s what makes it interesting: the fact that is not folklore or tradition. There are not parties or date for it. Yet, people do it.

Particularly, this is one habit people have that I noticed when I was a little girl, and obviously took it for granted: everyone worldwide -Catholic, at least-, settle a cross wherever someone died. It took me a trip to Greece to find out that no other people do this. And even there, crosses were for tourists to find Orthodox temples.

Our lifes may go down, but these flowers will stay forever.

Since then, I’ve been thinking about how to approach this topic, and after that, I just got to the obvious conclusion: start doing it. Once I have some info, finding the best point of view, order and topics will be easier.

Meanwhile, I’m just growing amazed about how many of these crosses sprout here and there: cities, highways, roads, intersections, and even streets no older than five to ten years already show at least one cross. And people’s showing of love: Soccer teams shirts or flags, especially after a Championship; flowers, small temples and even a bottle of liquor… There is no end to it.

Love even after death.

Fear

I am afraid. I don’t know why. No, I know. I am afraid of write. What if people find it offensive? Even more, since it is questioning a political ideology, one that is worldwide and it is impossible not to take a stand. I trust my skills. I know there is no need to hurry, therefore I can review as much literature needed for this text to reach a great standard. Yet, I am afraid. I fear a negative reception, even if I have not a real reason to.

And fear is a monster with tentacles. Now I feel afraid of being making the worst decisions about painting and drawing; if my fanfics and novels would be terrible; even if I am being a good mother, or at least average.

Fear is a terrible enemy.

But the only way to beat it is to keep going. So, I guess there is nothing else to do, but take it and worry less about the future. 

About picking a new project 

The sketch and the Work In Progress, beggin me that I finish it…

One of the problems with being creative is that you can find yourself with so many ideas to try and some others that are waiting to be taken back.

Right now, I have a couple of erotic digital paintings I haven’t finished, a one-shot comic to write in script mode before drawing it (and hope to have it printed by February, so I can take it to a Con) and whit Christmas coming, I want to try some decoration to make with my kid.

King, from Nanatsu no Taizai, pencils I did so I could put a price to my work.

And possibly a moving.

Well, sometimes happen like this.

«Please, please! Halloween is over already and I’m still sketched!»… more work to take back…

Art bites too

So, I’ve just finished a dojin. It was a dark, sad story I wanted to do. Funny think about it: I started it because need to coop with some troubles and ended up sadder and down. Sometimes this happens. Some works just take a huge bite on us, and it seems illogical: “Why, if I really wanted to write/draw this, do I feel so bad?” 

From my experience, these are usually situations I don’t know how to bear with, and unconsciously project them on my works. But the problem I’m facing may be different from what I’m writing, or so it looks like. This dojin, for instance, I was frustrated for some marital problems, yet none of the characters or the story would lead you to that conclusion, since what I wrote was about someone being so proud to not letting people who hurt him know they were doing so, and therefore have a problem trusting others for help. 

While I was writing and drawing it, I just felt down and angry at my husband and blame myself for taking on him what the story made me feel. Until I finished the first pages and read it again could I realized it was actually my real life problems the reason I worked on something like that and not the other way around.

It’s been a couple of weeks since I got to this truth. And since then I’ve been working on my issues, finding that all the mood I got from the dojin is gone now, feeling ready for taking on it again in a much calmer state. Art is really therapeutic but sometimes is hard to see what our deep mind is trying to tell.

To read the dojin, follow the yellow… I mean, this link: https://www.pixiv.net/en/users/58321331

https://ko-fi.com/ticia

https://www.buymeacoffee.com/Ticiasworkshop

Few female artist

Why are there fewer female artists? I think there are few female artists because few understand and realize what it means to take art seriously. And take seriously something means knowing how to react to failure, which is maybe the most difficult part. It is not becoming good at your art or showing it, even if they are difficult enough. But being told that you are not as good as you can, or finding that people don’t find your work interesting is way more difficult. It is usually taken personally and it hurts. A lot. It can destroy slowly all illusions and interests in the work.

Men don’t have it any easier, even when it is said this is a male world. They are still human and feel rejection. The main difference is their education, which is basically “break it or quit it”. No other choice. A man who doesn’t keep trying is considered a coward even while at the same time they are hurried “to earn a living so they can become the breadwinner”. Women throughout history have had more choices: “break it or do it as a hobby”, since if they failed at raising money from it, they used to have the option of getting married. Fortunately, is getting less common to marrying someone as a solution to financial problems (yet, there is a raising expression of “finding a Sugar Daddy”, which shares the same basis of getting a man who pays for everything).  Feminism has still much to do in changing the conception of women as breadwinner, since they are compassionate when doing it, therefore implying that it’s not their duty to be responsible. 

Secondly, the idea of a lot of men succeeding and the patriarchy system helping them is illusionary. There was only one Bruce Lee, yet you can count martial artists by thousands. Only one Bach in a time where a musician was a common office since there was no Spotify or iTunes. Statistics show that only a small percentage of people will succeed in any area. Most of them would be “good yet not remarkable”. The few that surpass mediocrity do it as a sum of hard work, sacrifice on family and personal time, and either a little luck or the right amount of money or contacts. Mozart, by instance, wasn’t a poor musician but the child of the court musicians, which means he was born with the means and the contacts to become a master. Jackie Chan -according to a Facebook video, so, don’t take it too seriously- was chosen to be Bruce Lee’s stunt and therefore trained by him, which meant to raise his habilities to match Lee’s, not pulling him down.

Women need to learn these attitudes too, and face downsides with a more rational approach and redirect passion as a booster to get their objectives. Then there will be more female artists.

Just a bit of time

by Ticia Valcer

No, they never tell you. It would crash the magic of the artist’s muse. But the truth is that writing, drawing, painting, or any other form of art is hard. The only activity that may be as hard as art is, probably, professional sportspeople. 

There are no enterprises that pay you to become a professional: you need to become a professional on your own so the enterprises may pick interest in paying you. And this means that you will have to work mostly in your free time. Sacrifice sleep or time with your family to train and practice and write and edit and promote your work. All-by-yourself. 

If your lucky, your beloved ones will have some words for you. Most of the time, they don’t. Especially children. For them, it’s hard to understand and you need to make an exception that can feel so overwhelming. Or you will feel guilty: am I being selfish for work on my interest instead of staying up five more minutes with my girl? Or had forgotten to bath her at night because I got myself so up with that comic? If I were earning a living on this, it would be easy to tell myself “It’s for her, for buying all her needs”, but when you’re just starting, when you have failed so many times because you were afraid or shy, choosing between arts and family become stressful